Some questions for Chris Bosh.

Posted by – October 13, 2009

I’m going to follow the Raptors a little differently this year.  Different how?

  • I’m in California.  That’s different.
  • I have no access to local television coverage.  Refreshingly different.
  • I’ve stopped following sports almost entirely  outside of, wait for it… actually watching the games.  That’s a 180 degree switch from Toronto, where I was constantly reading and barely watching.

When I was scanning Twitter this afternoon and saw that the Maple Leafs were starting someone in goal that sounds like a sitcom character from the early 90’s I wandered over to the Toronto Star for a closer look.  Habitually, I clicked on the Basketball section when I was finished and brought up Doug Smith’s latest piece on Chris Bosh.

(Keep in mind…  I haven’t so much as sniffed an article on the Raptors since last season.  Going into the first game of the season I will not know the starting lineup until it’s announced on the broadcast.)

Chris Bosh is a guy in transition.  20 pounds of muscle.  Different demeanor.  Tough.  Ornery.

The article was a blast to read because it reminded me of a piece I read when I scanned the Sports Illustrated vault (fun website) a couple of months ago.  It’s an article called Appreciating Bonds by Jeff Pearlman.  Some years later, Mr. Pearlman wrote a book called Love me, hate me: Barry Bonds and the making of an antihero.

The first article is genuinely jaw-dropping to read after the fact.  You could make the argument that it’s the right up there with Rick Reilly’s love letter to Mark McGwire as the most ridiculous steroid era sports articles.

So how does that relate to Doug Smith’s article?

Chris Bosh, going into his seventh season, puts on 20 pounds of muscle.  Really?  And all we get is lighthearted analysis of how this will effect his quickness?  How about the following questions:

  • Could you please, in detail, explain your workout regimen and diet?
  • Why did it take six full years as a professional for you to start lifting weights?  Or, if  you lifted weights before, why didn’t we see such noticeable results?
  • Do you think PED use is common amongst NBA Players?
  • Did you use PED’s this off season to change your body?
  • Do you intend to change the photo on your Facebook Fan Page from a shirtless pic anytime in the immediate future?

I’m not actually kidding.  Even about the last question.  (Please change the photo.)

In 2009, nobody is above suspicion.  Right?

So, please…  Would one of the Raptor beat reporters nut up and ask Chris Bosh what he puts in his body?

Thanks.

(Oh…  On the off chance this subject has been covered – again, this is the first Raps article I’ve laid eyes on…  Sorry.)

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It’s alive.

Posted by – October 8, 2009

Searching for ‘93 is making a comeback.

Still posting on Prelude to a Big Break (almost) everyday.

Stay tuned.

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Site Update

Posted by – August 1, 2009

Some news and notes from a relatively quiet site.

Searching for ‘93 isn’t finished, but I’ll be posting less frequently until basketball starts.  There are a couple of reasons:

  1. I’m opposed to becoming an abject failure, so this fall I’m (mostly) moving to LA so I can further pursue acting.  As a result I’ve started a new blog that will chronicle every single aspect of this trip.  If you have a friend who wants to become an actor, or if you want to take a stab at it, you should read it.  I think it’ll be helpful.  I really do.  It’s called: Prelude to a Big Break.  Doesn’t leave a lot of time for writing this guy.  Which brings me to my next point:
  2. The interweb is so saturated with sports blog that a Herculean effort is required to stand out and be different.  Snide comments and diluted versions of superior content don’t cut it anymore.  Honestly, I’m not sure that they ever did.  I’ve re-read some of my pieces from the past two months and far too many of them were terrible.  Not necessarily poorly written, just lazy.  When I do post, the posts will be longer, better researched, informative.  It’s a novel concept, I realize.  The two Raptor pieces from last week are good examples of what you can expect.
  3. Podcasts: This is another aspect of the website that fell by the wayside.  Solo podcasts are not podcasts.  So, I will take the time to book some guests and we’ll have terrifical, hilarious, inappropriate conversations with them.  Stay tuned.
  4. This site will become entirely sports specific.  Too often, I’ve had stuff that I wanted to write about, but it wasn’t related to sports.  You should be able to come to a website and know what you’re getting.  So, now more live Twitter Feeds of the MJ Memorial / Pride Parade.  I’ll still write them, they just wont go here.

For all the people that visited the site – and continue to visit despite my Simmonsian writing schedule, thank you.

SA

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The Blue Jays Rap

Posted by – July 31, 2009

I’m 22 I need a team to cheer for / for the next few chapters / of my life and it wont be the fucking Raptors --

My buddy sent this to me.  My heart is aflutter.

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A Raptors Summer – Part 2

Posted by – July 14, 2009

After yesterday’s post, everyone should be up to speed on all Raptorian matters.  If you aren’t, simply CLICK HERE.

When the dust settles from Colange-polozza the Raptors are going to be a team with (approximately) 16 players under contract; they will be right up against the luxury tax threshold; the luxury tax threshold is trending downwards.

No…  We’ve got to dig deeper.

What’s the end game?  Has Colangelo designed a roster to compliment Chris Bosh, or, has he designed a roster to remain competitive when Chris Bosh leaves via trade or free agency?

Nyet!  Deeper.

Do we have a team of players on the rise?  Have they peaked?  What do the cold, hard numbers say?  Does Chris Bosh have the potential to become a superstar?  Would we have seen it already?

Halt!!  There’s only one question.  Can the Raptors, with their current core-group, win a Championship?  We’re going to get there today.  Eventually.

Raptor Salaries: The folks over at Hoops Hype haven’t updated the Raptors 2009/10 salary picture yet, good thing I’m here.

Click on this linkity linkity for an updated spread sheet of Raptor salaries, including an assumed salary for Jarrett Jack (if the Pacers decline) and Chris Bosh if the Raptors sign him to an extension.

A payroll of $65,000,000 (plus) will put the Raps into the top ten in the NBA.  More interesting – at least, to the author – is the prospective payroll of the Raptors (if Bosh re-ups) through the 2012/13 season.  A core of Bosh, Turkoglu, Bargnani and Calderon is going to cost approximately $45,000,000 per year.  When you include DeRozan’s rookie deal (good through 2014) and at least a few more draft picks / role players, the current makeup of the Raptors precludes them from signing anyone of consequence for the foreseeable future.  Moreover, if MLSE decides that they don’t want to pay the luxury tax, the Raptors could be forced to deal one of their top-four, (who, hereafter will be referred to as The Inflexible Four) because the NBA Salary Cap is moving backwards faster than Bob Ryan’s credibility.  (Ryan pronounced Brock Lesnar’s name les-NAAARRRR yesterday.  On purpose.  Do some phonetic preparation, Ryan.)

Finally we have the looming specter of a lockout in 2011/12 and the very real possibility that NBA players will have to wear rape-diapers because of David Stern.  I don’t know what that lockout will yield.  Neither do you.  Neither does Bryan Colangelo.  So, there.

All of the above information takes place in a world where the Raptors tie themselves to one Christopher Bosh.  So what if that doesn’t happen?  Again, that’s why I’m here.

Before we get into who replaces Bosh, let’s examine the Raptors without him.

A TurkishItalianSpanish combination of Turkoglu, Calderon and Bargnani makes the Raptors the most identifiably International team in the entire NBA.

This Foreign Threesome (which I highly recommend typing into Google) would make an average of $28,000,000 over the next four years.  Am I crazy or does that nucleus – and the accompanying financial flexibility – seem much more intriguing than The Inflexible Four pushing us right up against the luxury tax every year?

Let’s imagine – just for a minute – that Colangelo likes The Foreign Threesome better.  Okay…  (This is going to be fun.)

Chris Bosh Trade Scenarios:

  • The Raptors trade Chris Bosh to the Portland Trailblazers for Rudy Fernandez, LaMarcus Aldridge and Travis Outlaw.
    • Who doesn’t make this deal?  By the way, all of the deals work in the ESPN NBA Trade Machine –
  • The Raptors trade Chris Bosh to the Minnesota Timberwolves for Brian Cardinal, Kevin Love and…  RICKY RUBIO!!
    • OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH  ricky RU-BI-O / ru-BI-O / ru-BI-OHH / rrrricky ru-BI-OHHHHHH!  I’d take more about a Spanish point guard tandem of Calderon and Ricky Rubio but I fear that I may attempt to make love to a plate of Polvorón. Amazingly, I think that it’d be Minnesota who turns down this deal.  The chances that they could re-sign Chris Bosh after next season are marginal, at best.  So, why is it on the list?  Simple: Their GM just selected two straight point guards with the 5th and 6th pick in the NBA Draft.  Anything is possible.
  • The Raptors trade Chris Bosh to the Golden State Warriors for Anthony Randolph and Monta Ellis.
    • What’s that?  Monta Ellis has a bad contract?  He’s making a million more per year than Andrea Bargnani.  And, lest we forget, Anthony Randolph might actually be the most fascinating player in the entire NBA.

If you can look past the idea of trading Bosh (assuming you’re against it) and envision the Raptors revamped roster after any one of the above scenarios, I think you’ll agree with me: This team is better off (with the Turkoglu signing / Bargnani extension in the bag) trading Chris Bosh for a group of young players either on a rookie-scale deal, or locked into reasonable long-term contracts.

Whatever your opinion, that isn’t the world that we live in.  So, let’s look at what we have.

The Raptors in 2009/10 and beyond:

  • What does Vegas think?  My buddy EyeBLeaf and I have an ongoing bet about the Toronto Blue Jays.  We picked a number of different categories and bet the Over/Under.  The cumulative winner from those categories will take home $100 and the loser will have to procure a photograph with Mike Wilner (who I actually like now).  Long story short, there was one category that we weighted more heavily than others: O/U Win Total, which Vegas set at 81.5.  Four weeks ago, that number seemed preposterous.  Now, it’s bang on.  The lesson: Vegas knows, my friends.  So, what does Vegas have to say about the 2009/10 Raptors: Well, for starters the Raptors are 66/1 to win the NBA Championship, far behind perennial powerhouses like: Philadelphia, Washington, New Orleans and New York (doesn’t count because the books are trying to lure the sucker bet from deranged Knicks fans all over the world).  That’s not particularly promising; after all, the NBA isn’t the NFL where a team like the Rams (or Pats, Giants, Titans and Cardinals) can come out of nowhere to either win the title, or make an appearance in the title game.  In the NBA, it just doesn’t happen.  According to Vegas either Cleveland, Boston, Orlando, Los Angeles, San Antonio or Denver are going to win the Championship.  If I gave you the field, would you take that bet at even odds?  I wouldn’t.
  • Have we seen Chris Bosh’s ceiling?  The short answer: Mostly.  In his sixth full season, the Raptors dragged 77 games (4 off of career high), 22.7 ppg (career high), 10.0 rpg and 38 mpg out of him.  That’s his offensive zenith, folks.  Defensively, there’s still room for improvement.  Health wise, there is not.  Chris Bosh has played 450 games (not including international matches) without a serious injury.
  • What can we expect from Hedo Turkoglu?  Durability.  Turkoglu has averaged 75 games per season over a nine-year NBA Career.  Real or imagined, he seems to want the ball in his hands at the end of a game.  (If you’re scoring at home, Chris Bosh is now the third option for end of game play-calling after Turkoglu and Calderon.  Just saying.)  He’s going to get you 11 – 13 ppg, and maybe most importantly, the Raptors will be able to unleash a front-line that is 254 inches tall.  Good stuff.
  • Cosa possiamo aspettarci da Andrea Bargnani?  Michael Grange did a nice job on his blog From Deep of projecting what the Raptors invested in when they signed Bargnani to his extension.  Grange mentions that Bargnani, through the final 46 games of last season averaged 18.1 / 6.0 / 46% / 43% from 3-point range.  Could there be more of an upward trend?  Perhaps.  Would the above numbers be suitable for $10,000,000 per-year?  Actually, yes.  They would indeed.
  • Can Jose Calderon survive and thrive in this league without a capable backup who plays 15 – 20 minutes a night over an extended period of time?  No.  Which is why the Jack deal would be a real boon for Colangelo.  Jack is just good enough to push Jose and drill into some of the competitive fire that we saw during the TJ / Jose melodrama that played out over the most exciting Raptor regular season ever.

Where does that leave us in a world where Bosh signs an extension?  Well, it leaves us with a lot of “ifs”.

If DeRozan is a good pick at #9.

If The Inflexible Four all stay healthy.

If Chris Bosh isn’t a flashier version of Shareef Abdur-Rahim.

If 46 games and snippets from his rookie season is enough to ignore a terrible middle-stanza from Andrea Bargnani.

If Calderon is an elite-level point guard.

If Jay Triano can actually coach.

If, if, if.

In my estimation, there are simply too many variables that could misfire; too many eggs in one basket, as it were.  And that’s before we settle on a topic heretofore unmentioned in this (exceptionally) long post: Defense.

Who the hell is going to play defense?  Are the Raptors shutting down Lebron when they play the Cavs, or Pierce when they play the Celtics?  What about when they play the Magic and Vi…  *Blacked out.*

The only way that I see the Raptors being anything more than a 44 – 48 win-team is if DeMar DeRozan is an above-average draft pick.  By “above-average” I mean really, really good.  Like, “top 2 in the draft” level good.  Pinning all these hopes on a kid who showed up for 1/3 of the PAC 10 season seems a little backward for a team spending so much money on established NBA players.

I might be wrong.  Bosh might be the guy.  But even if he is, we’re not winning the title as presently constituted.  I wish that wasn’t all that mattered.

But it is.

- SA.

EDIT: If you’ve made it all the way to the end you’re either A. Bored or, B. Like the site.  Whatever the reason, you can click here to Follow Me on Twitter.

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A Raptors Summer – Part 1

Posted by – July 13, 2009

Time for some Raptor talk.  It’s been an astonishing start to the 2009 / 10 season for the Raps.  Before we talk about the future, we need to bring everyone up to speed (myself included).  Without further ado…

A rough time line for everybody:

  • April 2009 — 33 Win season ends.
  • May 2009 — Fart smell clears / Raps land the #9 pick in a weak draft.  Alvin Williams is nabbed as an assistant coach.  Raptor fans remember this.
  • June 2009 — Raptors select DeMar DeRozan and his Twitter account.  Solid pick and a logical selection based on the alarming dearth of athleticism for the most recent Raptor squad.  Derozan Tweets: “Toronto here I come.  Air Canadas back.” Stephen Amell attempts to hit the computer screen with a booger.  Toronto’s overtures towards free agent small-forward Hedo Turkoglu are ignored by the US Media; Raptor fans all across the internet react in a calm and orderly fashion.
  • July 2009 — Turkoglu backs out of a deal in principle with the Trailblazers to sign a 5 year, $53,000,000 deal with the Raptors.  Reports indicate that Turkoglu’s wife is enamored with Toronto’s large Turkish community.  Raptor fans attempt to reconcile their desire to make jokes about Hedo being whipped with visions of a 6′10 small forward with Sam Cassell-ian end-of-game testicles. Andrea Bargnani signs a 5 year, $50,000,000 extension to stay with the Raptors through 2015.  Bargnani’s extension will pay him less than the average salary of Andrew Bynum, Tyson Chandler, Jermaine O’Neal (by $12.5 million annually), Erick Dampier, Eddy Curry (!!) and, wait for it… just a little bit more than Darko Milicic.  This for a 23 year old who showed a marked improvement through the second-half of this past season.  Uh-oh…  Wait a minute…  I think I just saw a flicker of optimism.  Might be time for a brief interlude:

Random factoid #1 that may only interest me: After the Grizzlies waive Quentin Richardson, their highest paid player will be Marko Jaric ($7 million).  Here’s a link if you’re interested in purchasing season tickets.  Plenty of good seats still available.

So what now?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

EDIT #1 — Shortly after this was posted Jarrett Jack’s offer-sheet became official.  It’s a solid signing if it holds up.  Although, I still can’t figure out why it would push Indiana into luxury-tax territory.  Whatever.

EDIT #2 — In the “Random Factoid that may only interest me” section I made mention of Marko Jaric being Memphis’ highest paid player once they waive Quentin Richardson.  My bad.  Richardson has already been moved to the Los Angeles Clippers for Zach Randolph.  So, if you’re scoring at home, Zach Randolph — ZACH RANDOLPH — is now the Grizzlies highest paid player.  Sweet holy Jesus.

EDIT #3 — Scott Carefoot and I, independent of one another, made a New Jack City reference yesterday.  If that’s not an indication of a movies cultural relevance, I don’t know what is.

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The Michael Jackson Memorial Tweet Thread

Posted by – July 7, 2009

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Old White Men & Serena Williams

Posted by – July 2, 2009

In the spirit of Stuff White People Like, which I re-read yesterday, here’s something Old White Men Like:

Watching Serena Williams play tennis.

An elderly white man will stop in his tracks should he happen upon a Serena Williams tennis match. Some bullet points:

- 95% of the time, they want her to lose.

- If they encounter another white male over the age of 20, it will take approximately 11 seconds before they comment on her gigantic boobs.

- They do not find her attractive.

- They would give up two weeks salary to sleep with her.

- Make sure not to mention the fact that less than one-half of one-percent of the African American community plays tennis, and, in spite of this fact, they have produced the two most dynamic tennis players EVER.*

Deductive logic would suggest that Roger Federer sits atop his perch because Allen Iverson thinks tennis is for pussies.

This makes Elderly White Men sad.

* – Is everyone aware that the Williams Sisters are, essentially, part-time tennis players? When interested they decimate the best players in the world at an age when most female tennis players have been taken behind Center Court and euthanized like Eight Belles.

The reason? They’re just much better athletes than every other professional tennis player. That’s astounding. Somebody get Malcolm Gladwell on the phone.

- S’93

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Carefoot Doin’ (My) Work

Posted by – June 30, 2009

When I read yesterday that Doug Smith thought Anthony should get a 2 year / $10,000,000 deal, I did a poop.

In lieu of a 4,000 word post that would have undoubtedly damaged the ‘f’ key on my new laptop, I’ve excerpted something from Scott Carefoot, who wraps it up nicely, whilst crafting a new rectum for Ian Thomsen.  Enjoy:

That ludicrously inaccurate assertion by Thomsen is just one of two ridiculous statements I read by professional basketball writers today. The other was this one by Toronto’s own Doug Smith about what Bryan Colangelo should offer Anthony Parker: “I would think a two-year deal at somewhere around $9 or $10 million – the same salary he made last year – with perhaps a third year option would be logical jumping off point.”

I’ve made an effort to avoid picking on Doug recently but I simply can’t let this one go. Anthony Parker is a 34-year-old, back-up quality shooting guard who suffered a steep decline this past season. Any GM who thinks a team in the Raptors’ position should offer Parker that kind of contract is grossly incompetent and should be immediately relieved of his duties — and yes, I will label Colangelo thusly if he’s crazy enough to follow Smith’s advice.

Just thought of this while I was copying and pasting…  Here’s a new rule for NBA GM’s when dealing with a free-agents over the age of 30: If said player is older than the amount of games your team won, don’t offer him a contract.

- S’93

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Toronto Pride Parade via Twitter

Posted by – June 28, 2009

This past April, I moved just south of Yonge & Bloor.  Combine that with some in-city commitments, and, presto, my wife and I are in town for Pride 2009.  And not only are we in town, we’re essentially right in the middle of all the festivities.

So why not document it?

The two of us watched the Pride Parade from our fourth story window.  Here’s the transcript (from last to first) of my Twitter Feed, replete with pictures.  If you’re interested, and, frankly, you should be, you can follow me on Twitter by clicking on this link.

(Quick disclaimer: If I say there’s a dink in the shot, there’s a dink in the shot.  The Sun and the Star will have a G-Rated recap tomorrow.)

  1. Looks like things are wrapping up. Got to see a lot of different ethnicities naked for the first time today.

  2. SPARTA!!! Tonight, we dine at Zelda’s on Church Street. http://twitpic.com/8p0rc

  3. There’s Gay and there’s GAY! Also: now isn’t the time for MJ remixes DJs of the world. Play the originals. http://twitpic.com/8p0j8

  4. Is this parade televised? On tape delay at least right? #pride — help me out Twitter folk.

  5. Just heard Katy Perry for the first time. She probably ruled the roost last year.

  6. Someone just threw a bottle. It only takes one asshole, I guess. From a karma standpoint, I don’t think you should mess w. Gay community.

  7. My wife: “I was wondering when we were going to see more cock.”

  8. Totally Naked Toronto Men Enjoying nudity: http://twitpic.com/8oz6m

  9. This whole experiece = super cool. Glad we moved downtown. http://twitpic.com/8oz0l

  10. Finally some #beegees — what the hell took so long?

  11. Proud 103.9 FM — I know a dude who works there. Always on @raptorsforum — Good guy. http://twitpic.com/8oy6i

  12. Dudes in a bathtub. http://twitpic.com/8oxuj

  13. Assless Chaps. Until now, they were like the unicorn to me.

  14. The House of Lords is hooked into the gay community..? Nahhhhhhh. http://twitpic.com/8owlf

  15. There seems to be an anthem for today. I’m going to do some research. It’s “I know you want me” by Pitbull. #pride

  16. Maverick and Goose. http://twitpic.com/8ovzp

  17. The firefighters. Thanking the gay community for calendar sales. http://twitpic.com/8ovw8

  18. Well done, #Toronto #police http://twitpic.com/8ovh4

  19. Atheist Pride had 4 people in it. I’m flummoxed. http://twitpic.com/8ovdo

  20. Complete rip off from the directors cut of Aladdin. http://twitpic.com/8ovb9

  21. Just as confused as you are. http://twitpic.com/8ov1e

  22. @straitcashomie — I think that’s the Cuse mascot. http://twitpic.com/8outi

  23. Hearing a LOT of #kanyewest during the #pride parade. Just saying.

  24. Giant thermometer for bums. http://twitpic.com/8ouf4

  25. Lot of people getting sprayed right in the face. #waterguns #pride

  26. Jack Layton everybody. Jack’s wearing athletic sandals: http://twitpic.com/8otvj

  27. Jesus. Seriously. #pride http://twitpic.com/8otrs

  28. My wife has the big camera out. No more missing out on cock.

  29. I wish the garbage men had a float so I could whip bags of piss at them. http://twitpic.com/8otlw

  30. That’s the Conn Smythe trophy. My wife’s question: “Did a Gay win it?” http://twitpic.com/8otat

  31. Sorry… Here’s a better picture: http://twitpic.com/8ot6r

  32. That guy in the yellow: Boobs and Dink. This is the whole experience: http://twitpic.com/8ot2d

  33. Only 83% of me wants to be on the 11th tee in Muskoka right now.

  34. Medical Marijuana http://twitpic.com/8osoe

  35. Toonie Drive — http://twitpic.com/8osmc

  36. Gay Day @ Canada’s Wonderland. Back in the 90’s that was when Brother Andre went — http://twitpic.com/8osi3

  37. Parents, family and friends of the Gay community. Cool. http://twitpic.com/8oscr

  38. Get your own Pride Parade, Montreal. The French aren’t welcome. http://twitpic.com/8os9a

  39. I hope an athlete comes out of the closet soon. A major one. Just so I can hear Jim Kelley talk at length about what it means.

  40. I wonder if there will be a parade for all the ferociously gay dogs in the neighborhood?

  41. My wife just opened a bottle of white wine. I couldn’t be happier. #pride

  42. Even during parades, bikers are assholes. http://twitpic.com/8orq9

  43. The Black Coalition for Aids Prevention. http://twitpic.com/8orgf

  44. cannabisclub.ca — there you have it. http://twitpic.com/8orbb

  45. Not surprisingly, the musical selection is exceptional.

  46. I think we might see the Olympic torch. http://twitpic.com/8oqz3

  47. The Aids Committee of Toronto — http://twitpic.com/8oquc

  48. Salaam – The Queer Muslim Community — I thought the word “queer” was taboo? http://twitpic.com/8oqq8

  49. “Gay Human Rights For Queers” — it’s the spirit of the intention, not the grammar. http://twitpic.com/8oqjw

  50. I think I’m going to live tweet the toronto #pride parade. Is there anything wrong with that?
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