Searching For '93

You had to know this was coming.

If I wanted to get booed, I’d go on the road.  It’s real tense right now.  When you’re down three points at home and you’re hearing boos, that’s kind of disheartening.

There are a bunch of different ways to approach Bosh’s remarks after the haphazard shellacking by the Mavericks Wednesday evening.

• The “open letter” technique where you inadvertently come off like a slighted adolescent.  This technique is ridiculous.  Bryan Colangelo will be taking fashion tips from Rob Babcock before this method has merit.  It goes something like this:

Dear Chris Bosh, I’ve been a fan of you for many years and after your great freshman season at Georgia Tech I was ecstatic that the Raptors drafted you.  I wasn’t at the game against the Mavericks because nobody could cover my shift.  But if I was there I probably would have booed as well.  You can’t misinterpret, CB4.  Toronto loves you.  We want you to retire as a Raptor (don’t leave in 2010).  That doesn’t mean that, for this season we don’t have high expectations.  Things are tough for Toronto sports fans.  We haven’t followed an interesting team in fifteen years.  We’re frustrated.  Just know that we’ve got your back, no matter what!  All the best, JB.

• The angry blog post technique.  Nothing good ever comes off this.  At best the author comes off as mildly stupid.  More often than not you seem like a sycophantic idiot.  Here’s an example:

fock YOU chris bosh BITCH.  i no u wanna ball with kingjames in nyc so fock you!!!  if we wants 2 bou we wants to bou.  aint nothing you can dew CBgone.

• Over-writing:

Long after the player who pushes back against his throng of fanatics has sauntered past the horizon of his athletic prowess, the lights illuminating ninety-four by fifty courts across the spectrum of basketball-everywhere will remain.  Ever prevalent because of the Father who cherishes and nurtures his child’s love of the game.  The game.  Without them the physical beauty of a perfectly executed jump shot would reverberate only in the emotional-cortex of its author.  Perhaps it should have been that way all along.

• Post an ironic video about how booing / heckling should actually inspire a player to perform better.  This is an excellent method.  Especially if you can find the right video.  Honestly, have I ever let you down?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3riCj4U4mNo&NR=1]

I lieu of the above optons you could just plainly state the following:

The Raptors 2008 / 09 season is slowly turning the fanbase into an irritated version of Anton Chigurh.

In light of this, all the players should be thankful that we actually care enough to voice our displeasure.  That’s the right of a paying customer especially when your recent play has reminded us of the smell in a portable toilet before a marathon.  (Hot poo.)  If things don’t turn around quickly (and we’re not holding our breath) you are going to find the resulting apathy much more hurtful.  Trust me.

As for the hysteria over your rumored departure in 2010 that is gaining steam faster than the viral path of a celebrity sex-tape; I say leave.  You seem much more interested in becoming an internet celebrity than improving your (scary bad) defense and that makes you expendable.  Don’t let the door hit you in your terrible dreadlocks on the way out.

Our 2nd Dick Of The Day, everybody: Chris Bosh.