In the spirit of Stuff White People Like, which I re-read yesterday, here’s something Old White Men Like:
Watching Serena Williams play tennis.
An elderly white man will stop in his tracks should he happen upon a Serena Williams tennis match. Some bullet points:
- 95% of the time, they want her to lose.
- If they encounter another white male over the age of 20, it will take approximately 11 seconds before they comment on her gigantic boobs.
- They do not find her attractive.
- They would give up two weeks salary to sleep with her.
- Make sure not to mention the fact that less than one-half of one-percent of the African American community plays tennis, and, in spite of this fact, they have produced the two most dynamic tennis players EVER.*
Deductive logic would suggest that Roger Federer sits atop his perch because Allen Iverson thinks tennis is for pussies.
This makes Elderly White Men sad.
* – Is everyone aware that the Williams Sisters are, essentially, part-time tennis players? When interested they decimate the best players in the world at an age when most female tennis players have been taken behind Center Court and euthanized like Eight Belles.
The reason? They’re just much better athletes than every other professional tennis player. That’s astounding. Somebody get Malcolm Gladwell on the phone.
- S’93
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